This past year has been filled with some of the scariest expierences i've had in my very young life. My mom being in the worst state she's ever been in, fighting with cancer that nearly killed her.
Me falling in love deep and out of it again, whilst getting my heart broken along the way. And at the very end shit falling apart with my dad as he slowly comes to terms with my transness.
My mom thankfully survived and is doing much better now but i've never been as scared, as seeing her in that hospital bed, crying in cold shivers. My own problems seemed to fade into nothingness,
feeling so unimportant in the eyes of this horrible, overpowering illness. It took me a good while before getting back to seeing my own life and problems as relevant again, and i still feel disoriented sometimes.
On a more positive note - i fucking love my mom - and she is the strongest, bravest and coolest person i know. And also fuck cancer.
There are a lot of things that i would,ve changed this past year, if i had the power to do so. But seeing as I don't, I think it's best to not linger to much on this rollercoaster of a year.
Hopefully the next is better.
I thinks that's all i have for now. What a year.
This past year came with it's ups- and downs. So much has happened and so little, and in many ways, i feel like i ended up right where i started. I'm glad the year has come to an end, and to celebrate it i want give you a little overview of what i've been up to this past year:
I've learned a lot about myself and who i want to be as a person, i've gotten more comfortable being myself and seeing my needs as a priority, even though it's still a struggle sometimes. I find it especially hard to prioritise myself over the people that i love. For a long time i felt that setting my loved ones above my own needs was the biggest show of appreciation i could give someone. I have learned that, that's not how loving someone works, but i still find it difficult to make a change in how i treat myself. I've also met some amazing new people this past year, some of which i already hold extremely close to my heart.
Honestly i often forget how much being social actually helps my mental state. I'm so in love with my amazing friends and I've had all my best memories with them, going to shows, listening to concerts, going on adventures, hosting teapartys and real partys and patch'n sew nights. I've had so much fun this year. They have also each helped me through shit in their own unique ways, wether it be creating distractions by inviting me out, lending an ear when i needed to get something off my chest or giving me a place to stay when shit truly hit the fan.